In the early 2000s, actress Bethany Joy Lenz was enjoying life as one of the stars of One Tree Hill, the popular teen drama that also starred Sophia Bush, Chad Michael Murray, and Hilarie Burton.

But throughout filming, she tells PEOPLE, she led a double life: At the same time, she was also deeply devoted to a small, ultra-Christian group led by a shady pastor in Idaho, who controlled her career, life choices and, eventually, her bank account.

By the time she got out a decade later, she had to start over with hardly anything to show for the nearly nine years she spent on the series — and a feeling of regret and shame for not realizing she was in a cult.

In her memoir Dinner for Vampires Life on a Cult TV Show (While also in an Actual Cult!) (out Oct. 22), Lenz tells the whole story for the first time.

The actor, best known for her main role on “One Tree Hill,” is in the process of writing a book about her experience in a cult.

“Why I wanted to talk about it is because I think it can be really healing for a lot of other people. I know I’m not the only one,” Lenz tells Variety. “What good are our painful experiences if we just lock them away and pretend like everything’s perfect? That’s not doing anybody any good.”

Lenz made headlines last month when she mentioned on her “Drama Queens” podcast that she had been part of a cult for 10 years. In addition to launching a newspaper and dropping a new single on Aug. 18, she’s been writing a book about the entire experience. She began writing during the pandemic, and is now getting back into it — which means, for now, some details are being held, including the name of the cult. However, Lenz details that it began as a home group Bible study in Los Angeles.